1)  What is your favorite type of block?

a) Cheddar

b) Head

c) Road

2)  What is your favorite type of fro?

a) A Frolet (Afro/mullet combo)

b) A ball-fro (Do we really need to explain this one? If so, leave a comment)

c) An Afro

3) Which would you pick to have on your skin permanently?

a) One head to toe, scab

b) A tattoo that says FAG on your cheek and the back of your hand

c) A naturally formed port wine stain that happens to say, “I’m Gay”

4)  Who would you most like to look like?

a) Mayor McCheese

b) The Bearded Lady

c) A Senator

5) Whose ass do you want to kick?

a) The skier  in the parking lot after a dusting of snow wearing a Santa cap

b) The person who brags on their MySpace page that they like to “rock out” to Rick James while making Lasagna

c) The co-worker who met up with some friend at Chili’s and brags about the amount of ‘ritas she had

d) Shel Silverstein (Why did we pick him? We don’t know, he just sounded funny when we wrote out this important quiz)

6) Would you rather have your voice sound like:

a) A cell phone with poor reception

b) A scary wicked toddlah

c) Like you’re always straining to use the bathroom

7) Who do you want to be most? (When making your selection, consider whether you think the carpet matches the drapes)

a) Michael Bolton and his hair

b) Kenny G and his hair

c) Yanni and his hair

Which type of speech impediment do you find the sexiest?

a) A lisp

b) Stuttering (Hey, they could be the prez of the International Stuttering Assoc. – that’s hot)

c) Ms. Jane’s voice from The Beverly Hillbillies (males only, sorry ladies)

d) Barney (Fife or the dinosaur) (ladies only, sorry gents)

9) Which type of tick do you think would be the hottest to have?

a) Dropping the “F-Bomb” in every sentence

b) The kind that gives you lymes disease

c) Tick Tock

10) Who would you want to fart in front of the least (or most)? (loud and smelly)

a) The CEO of whatever

b) You are a nerd and it slips out in front of the cheerleading squad

c) During a pap smear or prostate exam with a hot doc

d) When you lose your virginity

11) What do you wish a sign on your back would say (without you knowing it’s there)?

a) “I smell like feces”

b) “I love rapists, my address is …..”

c) “I am a lover of schmagma and bodily waste “

d) “I like to play with Pedophiles” (sizes only available in kids S,M,L)

12) What would you rather drive across the country?

a) A crane fully extended

b) A trolley dressed like your the captain with a large ‘stashe. (You have to wave at everyone)
c) A Quadruple decker

d) A Big Wheel not sized for adults

e) a haus & buggah for my ladah (Translation: A horse and buggy for my lady)

 

13) What type of prop would you most like to wear into a bar?

a) A stethoscope, (You have to tell everyone you are not a healthcare professional)

b) A cell phone circa 1985

c) A fake ferret

d) Proposition 8 (remember all the hoo ha on this unpassed bill when everyone was so in love with Obama?)

14) What would you rather your face look like?

a) A tortilla with eye holes

b) Old man winter

c) A jack-o-lantern

d) Chuck England (why the fuck should I know who this is?)

15) What shape of hair would be the best for you?

a) Hair shaped like a yamaka

b) A handlebar mustache

c) A Sideways mohawk