Dear Sis,

I’m sitting in the airport with my super hot family. My husband keeps wagging his tongue at every “special” person he sees. He thinks he is so funny, so do I. My beautiful fifteen year old son, Donny, is so horny all the time. He thinks he is being so discreet in the airport waiting area; he has his carry on attaché case in his lap while he rubs his teenager meat. I have to say, there’s not much else to do, so why not mastabate? I gave him my napkins I had left ova from my dinna in case he soiled himself. Donny is so advanced for his age; he has already discovered his prostate! He is also into acting like he’s black. He just got fitted for a grill, you know, a sexy golden, iced out mouth piece. He also has a short afro, you wouldn’t recognize him, he looks fantastic! I took him to my hair dresser for a perm. It looks really sexy with his red hair. I think his new look and accent are rubbing off on us. The whole family is acting black.

So how is the yummy Nelson family doing? Its 8:15 on the prime meridian, so that means it’s two hours until take off to whothefuckknowswhere. Actually we are going to Zimbabwe to celebrate Donny’s new lifestyle change. I hope this faze lasts for more than a month, I really love his new look, and feel. All the girls at his school were so upset that he was taking a sabbatical from school to learn more about his new found African culture. I did some research one night and read about a tribe on the innanet where ripe, young boys, starting at the age of eleven, become men by participating in unusual rituals. By going through this, Donny will be officially black. He will even get a new birth certificate stating that he is afro-American and no longer Caucasian. I hope he comes back with those sexy scars and body adornment. I know the girls will just love it, and so will we. (super yummmm)

Oh, here’s our ride to Africa, by the way, did I tell you that we are taking a hot air balloon? Just kidding! I just had to say that because I’m just excited about the possibility of getting laid by a tall African gent with a long schlong – wish me luck!!

I didn’t get a chance to make you any jams at the airport, I will have to make them in Africa and send them to you via airmail. I’m sure I’ll have some interesting flavas for you.

Love,

Sis

……..tick tock….tick tock……….tick tock…………

12:46 African time…

Sis, I’m back with lots to report from the jungle. You should go on a vaycay here sometime, the body adornment is killer! Being here makes me so goddamned horny. What’s even better is that you actually get to walk around without wearing a shirt or bra!! Afta we took that African workshop before we left, I thought that was a bunch of hoopla, but its true! I don’t even have to wear panties or shave anywhere, it’s great! These tribal membas don’t have showers eitha, what a time savah! Alls I have to do is take a dip in the rivah and put on some shorts and….voila! The African men are so random and nonjudgmental. They make me feel so exotic/erotic. I thought the recent boob job would benefit me here, but much to my chagrin they don’t even notice. These African chic’s have long skinny titties. I thought the native ladies would be in awe of my boobs, but they just smiled and pointed at me. I could have sworn I heard one of them say, “slim suit”. I didn’t know what that meant, but it made me feel eva so sexy. I thought it probably meant that they thought I looked so nice and slim. Howeva, since Donny knows the native tongue here, he informed me that they were actually saying, “slymsloot”, which translates to slimy hole – used to refer to a woman’s pussy when she is wet and horny. Jealous bitches.

Those African hotties were all walking around with bonahs when they were near me. The most surprising part was that they didn’t find my boobs to be all that hot. I told them the reason they were so much bigger than the other women’s is because mine are fake. I tried to get all of them to just touch them “mon”, but no interest. I even tried swinging them around but they were totally disinterested, what freaks! Get this, I even wrote “look here Mon” across my boobs and – nothing, nada….. What the fuck? Then I tried walking around totally naked. Cha ching!! That finally worked.

I got thrown into this weird hut that I couldn’t get out of. I was so intrigued. Several sexy African gents came into the hut and fucked the shit out of me. After all was said and done, we had the cutest little private joke between us. When we passed each otha in the jungle, we would look at each otha and say, “Gang Bang”! I’m trying to teach them some English so they don’t sound so stupid. I realize they have their own language, but I don’t know what the fuck they are talking about. Although Donny knows, but he is too busy with his Afro-American heritage classes to be a translata for me.

In an effort to teach these black beauties some American English, I have set up “The English hut” for anyone who wants to lessons. I worked very hard on creating the prefect curriculum to teach them, but wouldn’t you know it, Donny’s starting to feel he is more gangsta as opposed to tribal. Goddamnit!! I thought we were giving Donny everything he needed by finding out about his so called heritage, but no, he got kicked out of the tribe for rapping and break dancing.

Here’s the good news, I left my English curriculum behind for the tribe to work on and I have agreed to come back and help them out all they want, especially the Gang Bang Club. I have always loved volunteering at school and have always wondered what it would be like to be the teach. The fantasies are endless.

As far as Joel goes, I didn’t even know where he was throughout the entire trip, but who cares? He was probably doing his own “African dance” in some otha hut. I seem to recall one of the African hotties walk past him with a bonah. You know how much Joel loves boobs, that poor man had the hardest time getting ova the fact that they don’t find boobs to be sexually attractive. They kept laughing at him because he wanted to suck and touch them. Even afta our demonstration around the campfire one night, they just looked at us like we were crazy. Good ole Joel, he is such an improviser, he just found him some otha body part to play with.

Now that we are all black back in the states, we have let Donny explore more of the African side that he was always more taken with. He has joined a gang, but I don’t know what they call themselves, I just call them Kool and the Gang, because I just think they’re real cool. I’ve ordered each of them a gold necklace engraved with their new gang names. Donny picked out the neatest new name for himself, Dik tril”. He learned it in Africa which translates to, “You think you are the man”, but literally means, “Thick Penis”. How hot is that??? The only thing I have to worry about is making sure he doesn’t wear the wrong color bandana because he could get shot by anotha gang. You know sis, this gang is so good for Donny’s self-esteem, I just think it’s so cute how he has so many new friends now. I just had to take a group picture to put on my refridgerata. It’s the whole gang wearing their matching bandanas, grills and perms. (Super duper yummmmm)

Jams:

1) Jamaican Mon! Is it fig or is it lime?

2) Plantain Plantation

3) Prickly Pear “Bear”

Love, Sis

Take care; give your family a BIG kiss for me.